This week DJ and I had an argument. And somewhere in the middle of the argument, I realized how irrational I was being. I realized how I had jumped in, guns blazing, temper flaring. Not seeing the big picture. Only seeing the problem. Not really seeing him.
And I had a moment to reflect this afternoon. And have a heart check. And realize how he, as my husband and friend, sees me. Like really sees me. And what a gift it is to be seen. And known.
He has seen me at my absolute lowest. My neediest. My most broken. The fragile moments where I've had an ugly attitude and lost sight of what is important. The impatient, snappy, angry moments where I've said things unkindly. The days I've felt purposeless, and wandering, and asking "Am I enough?" He's seen me at my fittest. He's seen me at my pregnantest. My weariest.
He has seen me at my absolute best. My fullest. My most beautiful. The grace-filled moments. The moments I was courageous. The moments I faced the hard, and was brave, and stepped fully into the moment no matter what the risk. The times I sacrificed, and stepped into the role of wife, friend, mother. The days I curled my hair, put on mascara, and heels, and felt fresh and beautiful and could laugh at the days ahead.
And through it all, he's looked at me, he's seen me through the lens of grace.
In the nasty, gritty, ugly moments, he sees me for who he knows I can be, rather than who I'm being in that particular moment. He's seen me through the eyes of Jesus.
Marriage is grace personified. It has been to me. A tangible, real life, flesh on version of grace every day. The most beautiful picture of someone loving the broken in me.
Cheers to nine years of grace filled moments with my man! Life's a whole lot more wonderful with you in it.